Reshmi AR, a female reporter for The Times of India, which is the most widely read English daily newspaper in India (perspective on what that means based on population… it has the largest circulation among all English-language newspapers in the world, across all formats), recently took it upon herself to dole out some dating advice. But her tips were intended for men and centered on: “13 Women You Should Never, Ever Date”.
We were intrigued. We wanted to know… who were these 13 succubi that men should avoid according to this reporter, whose “relationship expert” credentials were inexplicably absent from the article? But based on her previous newspaper prose – how to get rid of an itchy scalp, the benefits of drinking barley water, tips to cure baldness and home remedies for diabetes – her authority clearly speaks for itself (insert MASSIVE amounts of sarcasm here).
So ladies, these are just a few of the archetypes of women that this member of our very own gender has taken to warning men about. We have to chalk up some of what she says to basic cultural differences… otherwise, we’re at a total loss.
“CONTROL FREAK: This woman is dominant and wants to show that she’s the supreme being. From choosing a place to eat and movies… she takes a call. Sometimes you wonder if you exist at all.” [WYSK interpretation: If a woman expresses an opinion or any thought of her own to a man, she is someone’s egomaniacal, dating nightmare… really Reshmi? Really?]
“WHERE’S THE MONEY HONEY: Call it daylight robbery. This kind of girl will fleece you to no end and successfully make you fodder for ‘from riches to rag’ story! She will never volunteer to go dutch even to save her self-esteem. She loves gifts, bouquets, cards or pampering of any kind. She’s for all the materialistic things in the world. She keeps dropping hints on what she likes so you can buy them for her! To her, giving her comforts and luxury is what love is all about. Should she find a richer guy… bloke you are broke!” [WYSK interpretation: This reporter did her research for this article by watching too much BRAVO TV (i.e. Princesses Long Island) whose “reality” shows continue to perpetuate REALLY BAD stereotypes about women.]
“LOOKS ARE DECEPTIVE: Your joy knew no bounds when the most beautiful girl in college proposed to you. However, a few days into the relationship and you realise she’s not your type. You won’t let your ego take a beating by letting go of her. At the same time, you begin to feel like you are her arm candy.” [WYSK interpretation: Soooooooooooooo, let us get this straight… the reporter thinks the woman in this scenario is bad news, even though the shallow guy is only dating her because she’s “the most beautiful”. Ok… that makes a lot of sense.]
“EMOTIONAL FOOLS: It’s only been a month of courtship and she already wants to get married! You don’t even know each other so well, but she feels she has known you enough and doesn’t care how you feel about it. She’s so attached to you that she starts observing fasts for you! Before you say ‘How nice…’ wait, there’s more to come… she’s emotionally very attached to you and sends you all kinds of sentimental forwards. You become a laughing stock among your friends as she gets superstitious about every damn thing. She traps you emotionally and there’s no way out!” [WYSK interpretation: The reporter must have switched the channel from BRAVO to a Lifetime movie marathon when she came up with this character.]
AND THE REAL KICKER…
“Feminists: She was born to empower, enlighten and save women from the chauvinistic men on earth. Her talks begin and end with ‘how men are a**h***s’. Time to move on and get a life buddy!” [WYSK interpretation: Did she just use the “F” word… THAT “F” word? So let us get this straight… women who advocate for women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality are bullies who HATE men and think they are assholes, which therefore, makes them undateable? Glad you cleared that up for us. All this time we were thinking that women who support other women and their interests were Women You Should Know. You learn something every day.
Thanks for entertaining us with your expert insight on women Reshmi. We really think you should consider moving, since you apparently know some of the most insane, archaically minded and/or despicable women on the planet… those who we thought were just fictional fodder for urban legends and cheesy TV shows/movies.