Woman #1: I hate my laptop!
Woman #2: Why? Is it slow? Does the screen resolution suck? Not enough memory?
Woman #1: No, nothing important like that. It’s just not pretty enough. And I even broke a nail trying to open it. I just wish it had more grace, more style… it would be a real boost to my productivity and my self-esteem.
Woman #3: I totally hear you! Wouldn’t it be awesome if someone could make a really elegant PC just for women?
This past Friday, Fujitsu – Japan’s leading information and communication technology company – launched its new Floral Kiss line of personal computers designed specifically for women users. They boast oh-so-stereotypically-female bells & whistles intended to appeal to our gender’s supposed, universal need for “elegance” in a PC. Ay yay yay!
WARNING: please read the following with the sharp tone of sarcasm with which it was written
According to the brand’s press release, “In recent years, with women accounting for nearly half of PC purchases, the Floral Kiss project was born from the desire of Fujitsu’s female employees to create a PC that women would find appealing. The new series, developed under the concept of bringing elegance to all aspects of PC design – from hardware to applications – was created with this aim in mind.”
Question… if half of all PCs are purchased by women, then we obviously seem satisfied with the “non-elegant” designs currently on the market and already find them appealing, no? Wait a second… maybe it’s just that we’re too meek to demand more, demand what we REALLY want in a PC. At long last, women can finally stop accepting the obvious gender bias of the computer world and embrace our collective need for elegance.
The frilly, women-centric styling of the Floral Kiss is reported to extend to the new Ultrabook’s™ size and design, in addition to its accessories, peripheral devices, and even its standard applications. So, let’s have a look at all the pretty little things the alleged female engineers of Fujitsu packed into this “elegance” machine.
DESIGNED FOR WOMEN
Three color choices – Elegant White, Feminine Pink and Luxury Brown… PHEW! THANK GOODNESS THEY HAVE PINK!
A flip latch that can easily open the display, “even by users with long fingernails”… WELL, HALLELUJAH! SOMEONE FINALLY APPRECIATES OUR MANICURES.
The power button is adorned with a pearl-like accent… WE CAN DREAM OF JOHNNY DEPP EVERY TIME WE TURN IT ON OR OFF.
The power status LED and Caps Lock key are decorated with diamond-cut stone… A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND!
Each key on the transparent keyboard is framed with “an exquisite gold ring”… WE CANNOT WAIT TO SHOW THIS BABY OFF IN THE BOARD ROOM.
The outtake and intake vents all feature a floral motif design… OH, FLOWERS! JUST WHAT EVERY PIECE OF COMPUTER EQUIPMENT SHOULD HAVE.
The zirconia adormed AC adaptor and wireless mouse “are compact and fit easily into the hands of all users”… FINALLY WE CAN TOSS THOSE REGULAR “MICE” THAT MAKE OUR TEENY TINY HANDS ACHE.
CUSTOM APPLICATIONS FOR WOMEN
The Floral Kiss comes standard with “a number of convenient, fun and original applications that users can enjoy in their daily lives” including: a SCRAPBOOK, a DIARY, a DAILY HOROSCOPE for all 12 astrological signs.
They REALLY thought of EVERYTHING a woman needs, especially if she’s a modern, professional.
Last, but certainly not least, there is a special Floral Kiss model that was designed in collaboration with the jewelry brand Agete. We’re pleased to share that this version is EVEN fancier than the regular Floral Kiss models. We bet you’re excited at the thought of a cursive font type on the keys. So user friendly… right ladies?
We’re honestly surprised that Fujitsu’s press release even bothered to include mention of the new PC’s mechanical specs, if all us girls are after is elegance. We were going to take you through them here, but women couldn’t possibly care about what’s under the hood anyway.
After all this build up, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but the new Floral Kiss series for women will ONLY be available in Japan. Sorry ladies.
We certainly can’t speak for all women, but we’re going to go on record and say that “elegance” has never been on our wish list when purchasing a laptop or desktop. And we’re pretty ok, dare we say impressed, with the look and usability of current PC models on the market. But rather than chastise Fujitsu for fabricating a need that the majority of women probably never had, we’ll just continue to chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all.