Hey women of Cleveland… are you “sick of hearing people make fun of” your beloved city, but don’t know what to do about it? Well, a local T-shirt company has teamed up with a local women’s boutique to give you a way to stand up for the poor, bullied municipality and really show your local pride. Lost Hero and Blush Boutique want you to sport one of their new fitted V-neck CLEavage tees. Why? Because nothing says “I love Cleveland” more than emblazoning your chest with an ogle inducing word that refers, not to the actual city, but to the space between your breasts.

Ok, so let’s get this straight. The brain trust behind this T-shirt is peddling it to adult women under the auspices of hometown pride. But they’re basing said pride on nothing more than a convenient, yet loose, spelling connection between two words that have ZERO to do with one another (the breakdown: Cleveland, a U.S. city, and cleavage, a sexualized part of female anatomy, happen to share the same initial 3 letters).

But this is how the magic happens… they capitalized the CLE in CLEavage and then cleverly outlined those letters with the obscure state silhouette of Ohio, so of course everyone will make the giant leap to think, “Cleveland” and then the colossal jump to realize, “Wow… she must really love where she’s from!” How silly of us to not get all this at first glance!

WYSK NYmpho T-shirtNow that we do, it’s got us thinking. Since WYSK is based in NY and we LOVE our city, maybe we should do NYmpho T-shirts to show our pride for the Big Apple and the Empire State.

We’ll be sure to NOT keep you posted on this, since it will NEVER happen. It’s our fiction imitating their reality to illustrate just how convoluted, absurd and vile the CLEavage tee really is.

Laura DeMarco, the Arts & Entertainment Reporter at The Plain Dealer, who covered the CLEavage T-shirt unveil yesterday, said in her title that it “encourages women to bust out their Cleveland pride”. We love a good pun and understand the importance of an attention grabbing headline, but for a woman news reporter to not comment on, or at least allude to, the overt objectification messaging of this type of consumer product is a little mind boggling. Even intended in “good fun”, the negative implications are far too obvious to ignore.

In her article, she referred to the T-shirt as “flirty” and “sexy”, so we can only assume she’s a fan. Since we don’t share her enthusiasm, the only words we choose to describe it are… #NotBuyingIt.

“Of course, you have to be comfortable with people looking at your chest in these.” – Laura Klopper, Owner Blush Boutique

So you have the full back story, Ms. DeMarco’s article goes on to explain, “The sexy, fitted V-neck Cleveland CLEavage shirts were the product of a conversation between Blush owner Laura Klopper and Lost Hero owner Rob Scharfeld.” Klopper noted that one of her boutique’s best selling T-shirts were the OHIO: Oh How I Love You shirts by Megan Lee out of Chicago. She apparently shared this arousing sales tip with Rob, and he then came up with the CLEavage shirts. We’d classify this as a creative collaboration for which no woman should be thankful or more simply put… an epic fail.

In talking about the new tee, which will be available at her Blush Boutique today, Laura Klopper is quoted in the Plain Dealer article as saying, “People from Cleveland are really proud. They love showing their local pride.” But she then adds (while laughing), “Of course, you have to be comfortable with people looking at your chest in these.” Interesting.

Now here’s the real kicker… Klopper, who wants other women to shell out $25 to buy her titillating T-shirt, told the reporter that she “hasn’t yet decided if she will personally wear one of the Ts.” Well, that speaks volumes now doesn’t it?

Say it with us everyone… #NotBuyingIt